{take a deep breath}

i have one of those minds that goes a mile a minute. it rarely stops. i think. i worry. i plan. i recap. i obsess. i speculate. i analyze. then i do it all over again.

in most cases, this is all fine and dandy. my brain is geared this way and i have 32 years of experience dealing with it. i’m at home and comfortable in my exhausting world. but sometimes, the spinning can get out of control and my body can’t quite keep up with my brain.

that happened this afternoon. a whirlwind day of thinking. planning. stressing. problem-solving. and i realized that my body was starting to act like my brain. it would have been interesting to know what my heart rate or blood pressure was at that moment.

but i took a deep breath. and i prayed. i asked God to take my stupid over-reacting self and kick my butt into gear. yes, i sometimes talk to God that way. no one really ever taught me how to talk to Him so i just treat him like a buddy. i mean, i figure if he’s put up with my crap for this long and still loves me, he must be a pretty cool dude. so i’m thinking he’s ok with us just chatting. or at least i hope so. but i digress.

part of my ‘mile a minute’ issue stems from wanting to be constantly doing something. i have a perpetual need to learn and absorb  information. i’m always on the hunt for new knowledge, a new project. i spend 2+ hours in the car everyday. instead of using this time for quiet reflection or prayer or whatever, i find ways to fill my head…plenty of which are probably dangerous, but let’s stay on topic here.

today, when i realized that my poor little brain was spinning out of control, i put my phone down, and prayed the little prayer mentioned above. then i picked my phone back up…but only to put on some music. i sought out a calming song. for me, this was lee dewyze’s version of hallelujah. i turned it up loud. i held on tight to the steering wheel and i soaked it up. gradually, my breathing slowed. my grip on the wheel loosened.

i forced myself to NOT feed myself my brain more *stuff* for the rest of the drive home. i just listened. calmly. to the music.

i’m not even going to pretend that i have some grand purpose for this post. i don’t. but you know what else i do to relax myself? i write blog posts in my head. a lot. today, in the car, i scripted this one.

a few hours later, i sit here on the coach with the a huge burden lifted from my shoulders (more on that tomorrow maybe). so i wrote.

No comments:

Post a Comment