i remember {9.11}

every year i struggle with the *perfect* way to remember this day, honor this day. honestly, there is no right answer. i think the important thing is that we never forget.

the last couple of days, i kept thinking about the layout that i did about this day, 9 years ago. this morning, i pulled it out of my 2001 album and took a picture to share here with you. but you know what? i am so glad i did because i just got so much more from it than a mere blog post. as i stood here at the computer with the layout beside me, spencer comes over, takes it to his chair and reads it. all of it. when he was done, he looked at coleman and said "one day, when you're older, you'll understand" and then he brought the layout back to me, saying only "that's pretty impressive." and then he went upstairs, where he is right now. i wonder...is he sad? is he thinking about that day that he doesn't remember because he was too young? is he trying to make sense of it all?

at this moment, i am so incredibly glad that i took the time 9 years ago to document this event when it was still fresh and raw.

the layout is mostly journaling, with some photos cut from magazines. a good portion of the journaling is comprised of excerpts from president george w. bush's speeches during the days following 9-11. then i included a timeline of the tragedy and finally "my story".

journaling directly from layout

on the morning of september 11, 2001 i was at work in charlotte, nc at mergent, inc. a coworker, heather told me to go to cnn.com because a plane had crashed into the world trade center. i really didn't comprehend anything yet. once i heard about the 2nd plane, i knew it had to be on purpose. as the news unravelled it was all just so overwhelming. i immediately called matt, who was taking spencer to school, so i spoke to his mom. my sister sherry called and wanted me to go home. she was worried about me being in charlotte. i later found out mom felt the same way but didn't call because she didn't want to scare me. we were all glued to the radio at work. you couldn't access any news websites because they were so busy. they sent us home at 11:15. the next several weeks i watched the news constantly and listened to talk radio. i continue to pray for our country as president bush leads us into a war against terrorism. my patriotism is stronger than ever. i am proud to be an american and i am proud of those leading our country. i have accepted giving up small conveniences for our freedom. the images of that day will forever be in my mind & heart. written 10.2.2001

MY THOUGHTS FROM TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY:
i don't even know what to say or think. On my way home there is a big car dealership with a huge flag and it was at half mast...that is when i broke down. don't know why. just did. i am lucky & blessed that i do not have any close friends or relatives in the areas that have been attacked, but i can't even imagine what it's like for all those people...

it was so weird yesterday going on with my life...fixing dinner for spencer and matt. i feel guilty getting up and coming to work. so many people will never have dinner with their families again. so many people's lives will never be the same...yet we go on. i know we have to be strong or the terrorists win. it just seems so unfair...watching the tv is like watching some of those middle eastern countries that are constantly at war...it seemed impossible to be our country. i think that is why it is hitting me so much harder today. yesterday, they were horrible images on tv, but they were so horrific, it didn't seem real. now, the names of the dead are being announced, the numbers of missing and deceased are starting to develop...this makes it real.

even though i'm glad i wrote this, looking back is still doesn't even begin to capture the emotions of that tragic day and the weeks that followed. it is impossible for me to think about it without my eyes getting watery.

it's hard to believe we still have troops fighting because of this one day. i'm still very proud to be an american. i still pray for those sacrificing for our freedom. today, and every day, i will remember.